Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
