$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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