Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize