Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
