now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
