In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
