You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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