So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
