So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize