K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
