I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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