someone owes me an orgasm
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
