Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
