I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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