dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
