Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
