Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
