There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
