I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
