a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize