Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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