I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
