Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
