you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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