I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
