New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
