how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
