The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
