then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
