is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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