wanna go halves on a baby?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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