you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
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