you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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