were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
