remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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