You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
