Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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