dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Acid is not a monday night drug
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
