so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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