Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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