no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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