I hate all girls vehemently.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
