Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
