Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
