I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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