With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
