You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize