Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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