wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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