Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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