recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
