I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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