I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
