she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize