haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize