I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
