I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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