i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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