i can't believe i had my finger in that
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
