He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
