Swine flu is the new snow day.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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