Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
