We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
