Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
