i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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