HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
