Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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