YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
