I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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