If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Panties = found
Randomize
