My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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