There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
